Ok. I see this shit from time to time. Girls posting on Facebook, whether it’s a “designed” jpeg or a fat ass block of text, about “the guy they want.” It’s never “a guy who makes me laugh.” Or “a guy who treats me well.” Or “a guy who’s not afraid to show his feelings.” Or even “a guy that enjoys being around me even when I’m at my worst.” IT’S ALL OF THOSE THINGS PLUS ABOUT FIFTEEN OTHER “WANTS.”
Ok. Now before we continue. Let me say this. This is by no means directed at all girls. If you’ve never posted something like this, you are not who I’m talking about. So relax. Furthermore, I by no means am saying I have found the right girl. And I’m not some pro at finding exactly what I want. But I only have two primary “wants.” TWO. (And I have enough trouble making both of those happen for me)
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s take a peek at some examples I’ve seen. Click on them to make them all big and readable-like.
Ok. This one has 10 demands. TEN. And it’s the most mild of the bunch.
Now we have 12 demands that are even weirder. And it’s a goddamn list. Not a paragraph description. This person MADE A LIST of ALL of the things she “wants.” I picture a girl going through EVERY one of the romantic comedies on her shelf, with a pen in hand and a notepad in lap: “Ooooh, John and Sally kissed in three different types of weather! I WANT THAT IN A GUY!”
All of you sane girls out there, that’s exactly the sort of thing you look for, right?
Now we’re going crazy with colors. And even fucking crazier with what she wants in a guy. I’m going to be perfectly honest with you. I don’t even care to count how many things this chick wants in a guy. Because there are too damn many. What I will say though is that this gal got so specific as to include what she wants from a guy ON CERTAIN DAYS OF THE YEAR.
Get. The. Fuck. Out.
Worry about getting a date for Saturday night. Not what you and some hypothetical guy are going to be doing in the wee hours of New Years Day. Eight months from now.
This one. Excuse me…
Well, I don’t speak Emoticon, so half of this one was lost on me. But from what I could gather… Just no.
“A guy who I can talk & [Emoticon?] all day with, but know’s when to get [Emoticon?] and Jealous.” Jealous??? What the what?
Oh. And this one. “Oh… and a GUY who’d go with me even if i’m entering the LADIES underwear section..EMBARASSING for them, but wayyyy [Emoticon. Funny? Laughing? Hell, I don’t know] for us girls. lol =]” I shit you not. It’s down there. On the bottom. Second to last one.
I’m going to go throw up again now.
Ok. Now that my stomach is nice and empty, let’s continue, shall we.
Girls (and remember… not all girls…) get real. No guy was created to fill your every want and need. I mean, sure, I hope you find your “Prince Charming.” And (god help him) I hope he can satisfy most of your wants.
BUT, let’s play a game:
Congrats! You get a guy willing to satisfy all of your 15+ very specific wants… You just have to satisfy 15 of his.
I asked some of my guy friends to name some of their dream “wants” in a girl. Weeded out any that were contradictory. Here we go. “Amalgamation Man” just wants a girl who:
- Only takes up a proportional amount of the bed.
- Likes to watch him play video games.
- Is attractive. Even without makeup.
- Doesn’t have an annoying ass voice.
- Frequently wakes him up in the morning with a blowy.
- Doesn’t take forever to get ready.
- Is a screamer.
- Doesn’t have a sexual history as long as his arm.
- Will cook him food.
- Doesn’t get pissed about small things.
- Wears sexy PJs to bed.
- Agrees with everything he says.
- Offers to pay for her part of dinner “and shit.”
- Will help fold his clothes on laundry day.
- Will have sex whenever he feels like it.
THAT’S IT! Wanting all of those is totally reasonable, right?
No. It’s not. It’s fucking crazy. And that’s how you sound… Except, you know, with girl wants.
So girls (again… not all of you…), this is what you should have learned. Do not set unrealistic expectation on guys, and then show those expectation to a ton of guys you know. We will run away. Because that shit is scary.
Just be pleasantly surprised when you find a nice, attractive guy who happens to do a few of those weird ass things you want. Then be even happier if he starts doing more of them over time.
Or, you know, you could keep posting shit like that on Facebook and see how that goes for you.